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Friday, April 08, 2005

Fuzon: Mera Saiyan (Lost in translation: One)

Saawan beeto jaaye piharwa
mann mera ghabraaye
Aiso gaye pardesh piya tume
chaain humein nahin aaye
Mora saiyan bmose bolay naa
Mein lakh jatan kar haari
Lakh jatan kar haar rahi!

Tu joe nahin toe aise piya hum
Jaise soona aangna
Naain tihari raah nihare
Nainan ko tarsaao na
Mora saiyan bmose bolay naa
Mein lakh jatan kar haari
Lakh jatan kar haar rahi!

Pyar tumhein kitna karte hai
Tum yeh samaj nahin paogay
Jab hum na honge toe piharwa
Bolo kya tab aaoge
Mora saiyan bmose bolay naa
Mein lakh jatan kar haari
Lakh jatan kar haar rahi!


Lost in translation (I am still working on it):

Monsoons are getting over, darling
My soul is in torment
You have so gone to foreign land, my love
I know peace in no moment
My beloved is not talking to me
I have tried a million times, defeated
A million tries and being defeated!

Without you, oh my love I am as if
A lifeless, lonely courtyard
My eyes wait on your path
Make my eyes pine no more
My beloved is not talking to me
I have tried a million times, defeated
A million tries and being defeated!

Oh how much do I love you
You might never comprehend
When I won't be my darling
Say, will you come then
My beloved is not talking to me
I have tried a million times, defeated
A million tries and being defeated!

1 comment:

Vivek said...

from sulekha:

Raja_Raja comments:
on Apr 10 2005 11:25AM delete this comment block this user
vivek, oh I did not. Now listening to it. I still think it could be done better. But thanks for correcting me.

There is one book on Rumi which Deepak Chopra et al, translated. Very good translation.

Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 10 2005 1:18AM delete this comment block this user
raja-raja I hope you have heard this song saiyan by fuzon a Pakistani group!

I like whatever I have read of/from rumi, and in fact all sufi poets +Khalil Gibran. Urdu and Hindi Poetry are very powerful in potraying and capturing Indian emotions, references,etc, and when we write or read in English, we again read stuff after much is "lost in translation"!

chayalife comments:
on Apr 9 2005 11:28PM delete this comment block this user
Will do Vi. :-))))) Thanks!!
I suppose I have to wit a bit for that, till I come home for a visit or have my dad hunt for a copy and send it across.
Btw, out of sight, out of mind translates better into a blind & senile idjit..no?? Lollz!! ;-)))) See, now u are lost in translation!! blind leading the blind, eh??? :-P just kiddin...
Chay

vi comments:
on Apr 9 2005 11:13PM delete this comment block this user

Nice attempt! (Yours and Priyanka's)

I love urdu poetry but like you I can't understand the persian/some urdu words, the online dictionaries help.

Chay, if you can lay your hands on "Masterpieces of Urdu ghazal from the 17th to the 20th century" by K.C. Kanda then you can get the translation of Faiz's ghazals in english, it is well done. This book has the original poem and then the translated ones both in english (or is it roman?) script. A treat for those who cannot read urdu.

BTW heard the joke "out of sight, out of mind" gets translated as "blind idiot"

chayalife comments:
on Apr 9 2005 11:07PM delete this comment block this user
Translations, I believe dont do any justice to poetry/prose in any language. I gives a fair idea of what the poet/writer is trying to say....but from where I see, the translator's guess is just a little better than mine. But that won't stop me from attemping to translate some of my fave regional songs...:-)))))) Love some of them!! :-))))))

Vivek, will check the site. I have forgotten most of what I have read...most of it was ages ago and I've now lost the time in between. Anyway, I now have the luxury to catch up!! :-))))

See ya on your blogger site!!
Chay

Raja_Raja comments:
on Apr 9 2005 10:28AM delete this comment block this user
Vivek, I don't think you need to translate this. Give it to Jaidev or Hridayanath Mangeshkar. Only they can do justice to this. And then let's have it sung by Suresh Wadkar:)

Did you see FAIZ used Hindi dialect rather than the chaste one? How would you find a similar tone in English. Tough luck. btw do you like rumi?

Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 9 2005 9:48AM delete this comment block this user
Miss PG:
Anyone who likes poetry can write poetry. From what I know, problem is in finding someone who can read and like it:):)!!

"I tried millions times, failed
Millions times I tried, failed" certainly captures the mood of the song much much better than my choice of words. Beyond that you have as much lost in translation as I have! (More on translation in a blog soon) Anyways using the posted suggestions, I will repost the modified translation:)!

Now that you have two translations, try singing the translated versions:):)... Its as funny as "Telephone dhun mein hanse waali" family of songs written to Rahman tunes copied unchanged to Hindi movies!

Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 9 2005 9:41AM delete this comment block this user
Faiz is available in translation: I can try translating Urdu poetry but many Persian and Arabic words are unknown to me! The Sanskrit Hindi on the other hand is still doable. A useful link is http://www.geocities.com/aakudrolli/ for it has some translated Urdu poetry as well as link to Urdu English dictionary. (I first landed up at the site through his Physicist son's page!!:)!)

Send me the Faiz poetry u want translated though: have u looked at Vikram Seth's take on Mir in his A Suitable Boy? Seth is an excellent translator!

miss_priyanka_gupta comments:
on Apr 9 2005 5:48AM delete this comment block this user
Hi Vivek

I never write poetry. Just tried this translation for you. Tell Me Howz tht??

Saawan beeto jaaye piharwa
mann mera ghabraaye
Aiso gaye pardesh piya tume
chaain humein nahin aaye
Mora saiyan bmose bolay naa
Mein lakh jatan kar haari
Lakh jatan kar haar rahi!


As Monsoon is passing by, propels
Mine heart with fears
As Foreign land reached my darling you
Peace abandons mine soul though
My beloved does not speak
I tried millions times, failed
Millions times I tried, failed.

loll I guess I will learn something hmmm.
-Cheers
Priyanka

chayalife comments:
on Apr 9 2005 4:13AM delete this comment block this user
I enjoyed it!!
Know any Urdu Vivek??
I am struggling to understand some of Faiz Ahmed Faiz's poetry....cant understand half the words. :-((

Chay