Labels

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Three words, one whisper

I whisper into your ear three words.

How I wish you wake up feeling complete,
tied to me by my breath, held to me
by a whisper, felt by your dream
as an embrace, as if of a child and the mother,
as a kiss on the altar, sacred and lasting kiss
on your lip, fleeting like a butterfly, gallant
yet fragile like a petal near a thorn,
my name - a trickle of honey over your tongue,
my name - dissolving away into your self
swelling your heart like throat of a bullfrog
with the notes of nightingale in its thorax,
my name - orchestra of delights in your smell
and sights, your sighs - ebbing, rising, splashing -
returning to my rough clasps, like waves,
like a ship you turning to me, making me your lighthouse.

How I wish to be your lighthouse,
but without you, I am like a candle in the sun,
melting without purpose, scorched and pining.
I, hungry for the hum of shehnai,
to amplify my whisper, to sanctify my whisper,
aspire to rouse you with my serenading whisper.

Will you wake up feeling like a ballet dancer,
like a bird on its first flight, like first kiss,
returning to me, three words - one whisper?

7 comments:

Vivek said...

from sulekha.com


ektabhandari comments: on Jan 25 2007 12:40AM
delete this comment - block this user
Beautiful, Beautiful poetry..
as if the poet went in the deep oceans n found the pearl...is still searching for the light to sparkle it..

Felt as if the poet..flew in the sky n caught the sun..n spread the colour of sun to his love..
very nice dear
loved it...

Ekta
keyaa1 comments: on Jan 24 2007 11:43PM
delete this comment - block this user
Hi
That was a nice poem .Loved the flow

Keep writing
vandana1982 comments: on Jan 24 2007 10:49PM
delete this comment - block this user
A very nice poem and may god grant you your wish :)
denice _menace comments: on Jan 24 2007 8:11PM
delete this comment - block this user
munch,...munch..mmmm

accha hai magar aap sirf love pe hi kyon likhthe hai ?


« Back to Post
Vivek Sharma comments: on Jan 25 2007 9:01AM
delete this comment - block this userThanks Ekta:)
aap toe sharmindaa kar rahi hai! I'm glad that you liked it so!

Thanks keeya and vandana.

Denice, I wrote about everything, but love and death are usually what poets end up writing most about anyway.

Anonymous said...

I think the grip of the poem- even the meaning and the flow- is tighter and crispier. The poem demanded- as for me- a loud reciting, well I do it for my heart's sake, which transmitted signals of tender love. I'm ain't know what's love, because maybe I am just like other 6 billion people on this planet, but I could see the image of it.

Vivek said...

From dudseascrawls.com

vivs
By bilbobaggins on Mon, 2007-01-29 14:40

I guess I am gonna harp on the same theme again.
Why do u have to have something jarring in the middle of something thats otherwise going smoothly.
its like subhan allah, lahaul vila quvat and then masha allah. I mean don’t tell me that the man on the street includes thorax in his daily conversation. If so, I really dunn wanna be where u are.
and really, does the imagery of a bull frog’s bloated throat belong in a poem supposedly talking abt much finer emotions. All I could hear was , ” ribbit rribbit , ” and not a whisper.
sheeesh.
» reply | email this comment
:) @ bilbo
By Vivek on Mon, 2007-01-29 17:17

absolutely adore your comment:)

The simple reason why I have such a thing in midst of decent lines may be due to my lack of discretion or skill at executing a poem to perfection.

If the drop the two lines, I guess nothing is lost except my failed attempt at referring to the fairy tale frogs, who turn into princesses when kissed. I am not sure about that connotation being in my mind, but somehow I like frogs as creatures, and I agree that except for Chinese people, most people think of frogs as ugly and slimy. For humor sake I wonder if its amusing for anyone to see a swelled heart compared like this. I guess sans frog is sweeter, and you have a point there!

Oh Bilbo!! For all this tarrr, trrr…. it seems you killed my frog! Sad

Booo hoooo
(and thanks for forcing me to think about it)
» edit | reply | email this comment

Vivek said...

from dudseascrawls.com again

unconventional wordplay
new
By India Whining on Tue, 2007-01-30 02:17

I beg to differ. For me, the standout lines were

swelling your heart like throat of a bullfrog
with the notes of nightingale in its thorax,

Spare the pluff, the mush, the sticky gooey “without you, I am like a candle in the sun” type of stuff. Give me something which leaps out of the page. Just like those 2 lines (did). I am all for such unconventional wordplay.
» reply | email this comment
whiner san,
new
By bilbobaggins on Tue, 2007-01-30 03:45

though the use may have been unconventional, by no stretch of imagination was it wordplay.

Vivek, the frogs in the fables are different from the bull frogs. If i am not mistaken the bullfrog has been put to hilarious use in a Barry Norman book. It secretes something through its sweat or saliva, dunno which, but the darn thing is hallucinogenic. Thats something I kept remembering on reading ur poem. Do look up images of frogs, toads and bull frogs. It should be fun.
» reply | email this comment

Vivek said...

from dudseascrawls:

I wondered about that
By ashoe on Tue, 2007-01-30 17:14

… gender role reversal as well (NTTAWWT!), but decided to leave it be, or let just bilbo work the critique & praise for this one Eye-wink

Just another dyslexic desi
-ashu
» reply | email this comment



ashu miyan
By bilbobaggins on Wed, 2007-01-31 04:58

bilbo ke kandhe par bandook rakh kar to duniya chalati hai, aapse ye ummeed na thi . Sticking out tongue

btw , wth is NTTAWWT. Curious minds wanna know.
» reply | email this comment



How I wish, you would wake
By kanurite on Tue, 2007-01-30 10:21

How I wish,
you would wake up,
feeling complete,
tied by my breath,
held by my whisper,
felt by your dream,
an embrace,
of a child,
and the mother,
bye a lasting kiss,
like one at the altar,
sacred, yet,
fleeting like a butterfly,
gallant, yet,
fragile,
like a petal near a thorn,
my name - a trickle,
of honey over your tongue,
my name - dissolving,
into your self,
swelling your heart,
like throat of a bullfrog,
with the notes of a nightingale,
in its thorax,
my name - an orchestra,
of delights in your smell,
and sights,
your sighs - ebbing,
rising, splashing,
returning to my rough clasps,
like waves,
like a ship, you,
turning to me,
making me,
your lighthouse.

How I wish,
to be your lighthouse,
but without you,
I am but,
a candle,
in the sun,
melting,
without purpose,
scorched and pining.
I, hunger,
for the hum of shehnai,
to amplify,
my whisper,
to sanctify,
my whisper,
to rouse you,
with my serenading whisper.

Will you,
wake up,
feeling,
like a ballet dancer,
like a bird,
on its first flight,
like a first kiss,
returning to me,
three words,
in just one whisper?
» reply | email this comment



man
By bilbobaggins on Tue, 2007-01-30 10:52

it reads so much better now, and its only been re arranged slightly.
Am I nitpicking too much or is the lighthouse use a little weird. Ships don’t return or turn to a lighthouse. Lighthouses primarily just show the way. So they are more the markers of a journey than a destination
» reply | email this comment

Vivek said...

Bullfrog's trr trr
new
By Vivek on Wed, 2007-01-31 13:01

Awesome comments:) Thats why its great to be back. Bilbo, we need to meet, for I must have you sit through my collection, and do what you do best. I promise you a fair treat for your every comment:) Kab aur kahan? Waqt bataigaa?

The fairy tale idea was an afterthought, after reading your comment Bilbo, and in the original, formatting was similar to Kanu’s (though there were twenty more lines (similar length, 2/3 words per line) and in editing the changed the typeset, and had deleted some matter. So now Kanu gets me back to my original problem, and meanwhile the trr trr in my head is getting louder and louder.

I guess when I read my poem myself too often, I drift away from the question of how others will characterize it. So apart from Bullfrog, which like Whiner, I like a lot (maybe it is a male thing, for every female I know, has frowned at it), I will try to rework line breaks.

I did search for bullfrogs Bilbo, and I think they are charming:) Add the one which produces the hallucinating drug to my diet, and I will gladly drift away into the world where bullfrogs have nightingales in their thorax:)

Perhaps I’ll run an audio post for this poem, and maybe that will help me figure the linebreaks better. Let the lighthouse remain on its solitary ground, and let him believe that the ship is being guided towards him. I’ve been a lighthouse too often my friend, and never has a ship docked near me, but a whispering longing remains:P:)
» edit | reply | email this comment

Rajesh Dangi said...

Here is my Take from this abode...

Feelings, wake up..
Breaths, tied n held…
Embrace, child n Mother….

Kiss, sacred and lasting…
Lips, gallant butterflies..
Feel, Petals n thorn..

Thy, tongue ticked honey…
Thy, your dissolved self
Thy, delighted orchestration..

Swelling, hearts n bullfrog throat…
Sights, ebbing rising n splashing
Clasps, returning waves to ships n lighthouse

Feeling of, candle in the sun…
Melting, scorched n pinning the purpose
Whisper, sanctify n amplify to aspire…

Awaken, felling ballet n dancer..
First kiss, bird n first flight…
Whisper, returning three n words…