Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Catharisis! (from the unpublished novel)

To be born again, to wake up and be purged of all memories associated with her, to alter the past so well as to make it free of all that went wrong, to the extent that any inking of lost love, unrequited feelings would become a foregone conclusion - he wished so. He wished it so much that he spent hours thinking about the possible methods of doing so. Only if our heads and hearts were a bunch of electrical circuitry in computers, where with a press of a button, every undesirable file or folder or history is easily erased. Or perhaps if there was a real method of acquiring amnesia, say by eating wild berries as he was told in his childhood or by smelling fumes of mercury. A more dramatic way was recently shown in the "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind", though the most melodramatic ones have been repeatedly shown in Bollywood flicks. Bollywood flicks, though, have some movies, where the person remembers a history of his previous life too. He shuddered at the very notion of having the miseries of past life coming to haunt him when he was already bogged down by his present state of affairs. A friend once suggested getting stoned could induce temporary relief, but he was too sane to exhange hallucinations with his hopelessness.

Catharisis: ah! that is what he figured was needed. Harsh measures suggested themselves. He immersed himself into the detailed effort of making every chore an effort towards achieving perfection. The daily chores that were second nature to him, now were turned into noble acts towards acquiring perfection, clarity of thought, delightful purity of toil, acts of conscious efforts towards achieving a perfect state of being in harmony with the world, and in peace with himself! Soon he discovered how hard it was to pay continuous attention to trivialities, and went to the other extreme by starting to neglect everything. It was during this period of turmoil that Shashi walked into his life. She entered quietly, for he was too busy with nothing in particular to notice her or anyone. She came in noiselessly, dusted off the nooks of his heart that had become smelly and stuffy with the months of neglect, opened the windows of his mind that he had closed mourning for the loss of love and the loss of his old self, she opened the windows and let in fresh wind of her sparking laughter. Shashi woke him up from his months of abstraction, months in which he thought about Kavita as relentlessly as he wanted to avoid thinking about her. Shashi groomed him afresh, brought twinkle back to his eyes, charm into his words, and even before Kalpit knew it, he found himself glowing in the radiance of Shashi's attention.


{I guess I can post conversations sometime. This novel will probably never get finished, for it is too melodramatic, too much Mills and Boons while the other two are both more energetic, have more comedy, and read better: maybe I will finish them in this lifetime, and maybe one of these days you would pick them off the shelf. Well, I am sure you can see why I call myself a dreamer!!}


Vani said...

i read so much about this phenomemon for my research thesis..
Greek theatre really is intriguing..!!!!


Vivek said...

Why don't you write something about it Vani: it would make a good reading:)

Vivek said...

Comments from sulekha:

kaveriyamma comments:
on Apr 11 2005 8:53PM delete this comment block this user

We women are the same all over the world... big time dreamers! Men have no such emotions or thoughts!

Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 11 2005 7:07PM delete this comment block this user
hey vi,

Thats a beautiful verse,
Pertinent, poignant, terse!

:) About the novel, its incomplete for one. Once I complete it I would need to figure how to get it published, maybe someone here can give me some ideas. Once its published, I would definitely send you a copy:)!


Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 11 2005 7:01PM delete this comment block this user

I would just say that you hit nail right on the head!! The novel explores the idea of whether a person can base his/her happiness on presence and absence of someone he/she loves, whether we must be complete selves individually or if the complete individual self is realized only in the presence of the right persons. But your remark is brilliant (and resonates with my own ideas that form part of the extended story)!


vi comments:
on Apr 11 2005 11:17AM delete this comment block this user
"....exhange hallucinations with his hopelessness"
esp. liked this...In fact all of it was brilliant! When is it going to be published? I will definetly read it....
BTW on the same lines:

I wish I could go back to the past
Fix all the little mistakes and restart

With an open mind and with a clear heart
(On a clean slate just me and my fate)

No desires and no pain for being apart
No sentimentality, and no more broken heart

Everything with a caution, no chance for any fault
If only that was possible, and not just a thought

Bookworm33 comments:
on Apr 11 2005 11:08AM delete this comment block this user
"he found himself glowing in the radiance of Shashi's attention."

the moon, here....which waxes and wanes... with shning light and its absence...How can it ever find catharsis?