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Saturday, January 14, 2006

Unusual Love Letters: I

I would have really fallen
in love with you
I swear, no shit;

But my damned self, can
you believe it what the
hell I am talking about;

My damned self is too
uptight, too afraid
of another heartbreak
and eventhough your eyes
are this constant torment
and your words, aargh!
just cut through me
and I savor each moment
spent with you;

I guess I never made it
all that obvious to you
for I cannot let you
take away these joys;

for more than a knowledge
that could ruin our worlds
I prize this ignorant joy
that chokes me, kills me;

and makes me feel
like a bird that having
just learnt to fly, fears
that if she were to perch
she would lose the ability
to be in the sky again;

and I have a hole in my heart
this bleak, black hole of the past
that seeks to suck in
even my future brilliance;

and I don't know for sure
but I think passions can
really ripe and fall like mangoes;
the ripe alphonsos I do like
but thats not the point
I was trying to make;

No matter how I hide
or say it, it stays the same
bloody, damned thing
that I would have fallen
in love with you but
I guess it would not have
worked quite that well as
we both are like two migratory birds
of different species, stuck on
an island together, by these
bloody, conspiring destinies
and howsoever much we may
like each other
only our differences can hatch
and their chorus will be maddening;

our disparities will embitter
the taste of your lips,
the taste, I guess, could have
made me mad or immortal;

but as I was saying, our
spring seems short
and autumn could have been endless
though of course, love could have
changed it all or maybe
it has already altered the course
of our hitherto parallel existences;

I guess I will wear you down
with all these buts and ifs
these doubts and debates,
for I haven't asked you
if you would have fallen
in love with me;

a one sided emotion is, after all
worth not more than fifty cents
and for all that emotion, it does not
even get you a decent cup of coffee;

So could you fall in love with me
maybe if you have already, you
would be kind enough
to let me know, for
I am telling you today
in this, sort of, convulated way
for my nervousness stems from
what you'd think and do
If you really knew
how silently to this day
I have told myself
I would have really fallen
in love with you
and by oft repeating myself
I guess, I already have, yes I have;

hush, hear me whisper
I love you.

Midnight
Jan 13, 2006,
This is the first in this series.
Uncut version, written in one go, without stopping to breathe or alter or even think about a single word; so don't know if I can rewrite it any better.

6 comments:

politicritique said...

Amazing man.....tooo good. Najaane kitnon ki dil ki baat keh Di - Arpan

Amit Gupta said...

Dude - too much bad language to make a point, but it gets the message across:-) Wonder whom this is for...:-)

y3k said...

nice

Ardra said...

liked the uncut/impulsive flow...

and again reading your lines led to :

oft i've felt
that its becos
my love remains unspoken
the uncertainity, the suspense
adds to the thrill of anticipation

the doubts, the fears
add to the expectancy-
as i keep wondering , pondering,
whether my love is reciprocated
as i assume /presume
from your words, unspoken silences
and the look in your eyes...searching...
the knowing, and yet not sure...

the possibilities are never ending
the excitement is invigorating

I must admit I've enjoyed
the moments of doubts,
seeking reaffirmation in your eyes
sometimes rewarding,
sometimes dissappointing...

so much so that I think
perhaps if I uttered the words
would the Magic cease?
and would we cross from one realm to another?
and then having crossed
would I perhaps turn back in regret
becos something had changed
may be names, definitions??

I cannot make up my mind...
which is easier...
The torment ,the excitement of
guaging the possibilities...
or the knowing, or the undoing???

and while I whisper:
"I love you"
I still wonder if
I want you to hear me...
or have you reply....

El enigma said...

lol...I would have to agree with someone who said above....too much bad language to make the point ;) but ur title says it all....unusual it is...altho have to add that this love letter would have sealed the fate of the existing/non-existing love completely :p:p

enig!

Alto said...

Maine poocha chand se...
Kabhi dekha hai kahin mere yaar sa haseen.....
Chand ne kahaa, chandnee ki qasam:
Boring and often asked question but
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