Unusual Love Letters: I

I would have really fallen
in love with you
I swear, no shit;

But my damned self, can
you believe it what the
hell I am talking about;

My damned self is too
uptight, too afraid
of another heartbreak
and eventhough your eyes
are this constant torment
and your words, aargh!
just cut through me
and I savor each moment
spent with you;

I guess I never made it
all that obvious to you
for I cannot let you
take away these joys;

for more than a knowledge
that could ruin our worlds
I prize this ignorant joy
that chokes me, kills me;

and makes me feel
like a bird that having
just learnt to fly, fears
that if she were to perch
she would lose the ability
to be in the sky again;

and I have a hole in my heart
this bleak, black hole of the past
that seeks to suck in
even my future brilliance;

and I don't know for sure
but I think passions can
really ripe and fall like mangoes;
the ripe alphonsos I do like
but thats not the point
I was trying to make;

No matter how I hide
or say it, it stays the same
bloody, damned thing
that I would have fallen
in love with you but
I guess it would not have
worked quite that well as
we both are like two migratory birds
of different species, stuck on
an island together, by these
bloody, conspiring destinies
and howsoever much we may
like each other
only our differences can hatch
and their chorus will be maddening;

our disparities will embitter
the taste of your lips,
the taste, I guess, could have
made me mad or immortal;

but as I was saying, our
spring seems short
and autumn could have been endless
though of course, love could have
changed it all or maybe
it has already altered the course
of our hitherto parallel existences;

I guess I will wear you down
with all these buts and ifs
these doubts and debates,
for I haven't asked you
if you would have fallen
in love with me;

a one sided emotion is, after all
worth not more than fifty cents
and for all that emotion, it does not
even get you a decent cup of coffee;

So could you fall in love with me
maybe if you have already, you
would be kind enough
to let me know, for
I am telling you today
in this, sort of, convulated way
for my nervousness stems from
what you'd think and do
If you really knew
how silently to this day
I have told myself
I would have really fallen
in love with you
and by oft repeating myself
I guess, I already have, yes I have;

hush, hear me whisper
I love you.

Midnight
Jan 13, 2006,
This is the first in this series.
Uncut version, written in one go, without stopping to breathe or alter or even think about a single word; so don't know if I can rewrite it any better.