Sloshed and stoned, lying in a corner,
He whispers her name, almost in a murmur,
I say, Oh! My God! You? You love her?
He says, Vivek, there can't be any other!
I picture the pair, a giraffe and a polar bear
What she lacks in height, ske makes up in diet
"I am such a fatso, Vivek," she always complains
While wiping off her shirt those icecream stains!
He mumbles, "Vivek! Do not get any bizarre notion
What she lacks in sensibility, she makes for in devotion"
In disbelief I hear so, for she is a bee, a butterfly
But I know he ain't kidding, not when he's so high!
"She calls me sweetie pie, I call her chick-a-boo
But Vivek, for some reason she thinks more highly of you
Maybe you like her too, but to me it doesn't really matter
I can even go to the end of this universe to get her."
As he throws up the details of his heart and bowels
I supply him words of solace and several paper towels
I grin to assure him, tell him, "she means nothing to me"
But even that is not enough to end his or my agony!
My room is soiled, while he continues his outburst
"Vivek! Do you remember how I hated her at first"
I concurred for he initially called her a baby elephant
And had confided that she smelled like a mosquito repellant!
I though, maybe, she has now changed her perfume
She surely now appears in skimpier costume
Ah! She has a big mole inches below her neck's nape
And several eyeballs are left rolling in her wake!
Meanwhile his sense return, as does his heartburn
He cribs that next week she is going to Auburn
To meet some old friend, who happens to be a male
And just like that, calls her everyday, without a fail!
I ask him, if his drinking was for this very reason
He says, "Screw her! How else do I face her treason?
She told me today that I was only a good friend
Who she could trust, on who she could depend!"
I inquire, "Has Auburn Ahole's postion been made clear?"
He chuckles, "She actually talks like Nostradamus dear,
He words are as open to interpretation as her clairvoyance
So afterwards "I said so" she can say and happily dance.
She says, "These decisions take time, are not all that easy"
But if I stay away from her, contends "You don't even love me"
If I tell her, I love her with my heart and soul
She says, "Take it easy chick-a-boo, chill, control!"
After six hours of chatter, his head seems clear
(Though my room still stinks of his undigested beer)
He winks and says, "Let me not be too misunderstood
I developed a soft corner only as the nights were so good!!
If she wants to go away, I wouldn't really mind
You see, Vivek, my services were paid for in kind
In fact! I hope she gets married to that Auburn AHole
And then I wouldn't suffer these pangs of my soul."
He left me stumped, with lots of mess to clean
And several secrets spewed about his drama queen
An year later, he is glad, she's gone to Auburn
And I see his shades in pics of her new born!
April 25, 2005!
Atlanta GA!
I hope readers have as much fun reading it
As I really had while just composing it!:)!
8 comments:
lol...lol...this was a riot...:-))
Hey Vivek; ROTFLing....
I am sorry for the state of affiars you were/ are in.
You cannot blame her.
No woman wants to go near a perosn who filled himself with filth, inside of him through smoke and alocohol and meanness and outside of him through the "acquaintences" who are ready to approve wrongful actions and filthy state of mind.
Comments above are testimony to the fact that you are not able to come out of that situation.
I have confidence in you that if you try, you can get out of it.
For this you have to do following things:
1. Take bath everyday, atleast once, preferably morning as soon as you woke up. Twice recommended, when head seems to be going off or memory seems to be failing.
2. Must not touch computer until 3 hrs after you woke up.
3. First one hr-personal hygiene
Second hr-Cleaning up the personal room and arranging things which have been thrown away in hurry before leaving for office and
Third hour- Noting on the pad( NOT ON COMPUTER) with the pen or pencil, all the work postponed and the promises unfulfilled.
4. Blog posts which are of no value should be pushed to last hour of sleep, so that the day doesnot spoil.
5. After 3 hrs of self-control of not touching computer, if there is more willpower, 4 th hour can be dedicated to take a walk on sunny day ( if you are retired and have no other job) or prepare to go to office or ask lady of the house if she needs any help with groceries.
6.
At mid day, e mails can be checked and answered if necessary. But blog posts shouldnot be touched yet.
7.Find a patch of garden/ backyard and start growing vegetables, whn ever the EX- Wife or girl friend seems to make life seem like night mare.
8. Come back home , clean the toilet( the one you use regularly) and then clean one self and go to 30 mins of sleep.
9. Get up and sip some spiritual tea ;) from this post and Change from abnormal animal who has gone filthy inside and outside to normal beautiful human being filled with kindness and generosity.
10. Lastly stop utterin about past, for " Only those who donot have future talk about their past"
Therefore belive that you have future, despite the filthy friends who surround you and approve your in-despeccable acts.
11. Stop confusing between approval and dis-approval of friends to mental solaces, but replace it by searching for it, from with in.
Change yourself before asking her to change.
In one line:
Stop pollution of your soul.
12. Before going to bed, clean the bathroom and prepare it for next day morning's fresh and fulfilling bath. But before good night ask the lady of the house, if she needed any thing to be done for next day?
Note:
For this advice I am charging you 1000 dollars and you may send the cheque to the follwing address.
If you do not pay, 2.5% interest will be added after 30 days and I might even come and claim your property to get my fees paid back.
Please add 7.5% VAT tax to the fees and deposit account in 30 days.
If you are job less and are not able to pay you may pay in instalments, but you have to pay.
Address:
Doctor Tsiko,
24, Moon's Street,
Earth,
01234567890
If you cannot trace the given address in your address book due to your memory failure or dis-organised state of life, you are in, You can send the same amount for the education/ health of an orphan child who lost his or her mother or family in Gujarat Riots in India.
You Shall be forgiven.
:) Thanks Seaswallowme, Sunshine, buck, SM, Bluehue!
Bluehue: why would I take away any of the blogs?:)
Her heart trembled ,
When she saw his tears!
She wondered
What could be the reason
For “Man” of "No Fears"!
She asked him,
He refused to tell,
She tried to guess,
He warned,
“Make No Fuss”
She claimed, she had right to know,
He warned he will sue her if she tries to know,
She reminded that their lives are tied up,
He answered“ That is what you think Shut Up”
She tried to understand “ Is he unique Man?”
He accused her she has another Man
She wondered,if she should let him go,
But each time he made himself her foe,
She thought she got a clue
But it was nothing but her own hue
She warned him she would leave,
He told her, “Donot hold me sieve”
She said ,“Consider for our daughter”
He said,”Lord is her caretaker”
He calls her Sumo fighter,
Yet lusts for a unbaked woman
With a Lighter,
She told him to “stop alcohol,
For it is nothing but sterility and one last call”,
He curses her, she has gone mad in her devotion,
And threatens her to ruin her promotion.
She went to a Friend .
And found him too in Tears,
She asked him the reason,
He answered her,
“ It is not your treason”
She entered another puzzle of query,
And lost her own sense of being a fairy.
She wanted to know the “ root of the problem”
She found herself deeply routed with a problem
She tried to use her good will
But it is of her no avail,
“Oh ! Perhaps Incompatability”
She thought
And researched Psycholgie.
“Oh Perhaps Cultural mis-conceptions”
She thought,
And researched Religious conceptions.
“Oh! Perhaps lack of my own knowledge”
She thought,
And learnt all that only rarest of the Men acknowledge
Then:
She stopped knowing anymore,
She did not want to ask anymore
Why any one has tears in his eyes?
Why anyone betrays with smily ice
Why he doesnot want to share
His pain with his own wife
Same Man who told her ,
“Come in my life to make it blossom.Would you Mind?””
“Curses her That she is an opportunist of one kind"
She seems to have understood,with clear notion,
Every one avoided her without any reason
She decided to stay strong in her devotion,
Yet he ridicules her this is her new fashion.
She empathized with his situation,
She calls him:
Her Lantern to the Knowledge
She thanked him
For walking away from her life.
Yet she continues to tremble in her heart,
And wonders if she can change his heart
For she did not stop trying to know,so bad
What would make a heart seem so hard!
If I knew these folks
Of whom you make such jokes
It would seem that much more funny
It did still make me laugh, I'll bet my money!
from sulekha:
Vivek Sharma comments:
on Apr 28 2005 1:47AM delete this comment block this user
Thanks vi, chay:) Though I had hoped the guys would love it even more (apart from my own friends, who have been quoted here and there:)!!)
Of course the last stanza is beautifully creative. Ah! I loved it when I wrote it (though I weighed posting this poem in two parts, but without last three stanzas its only half as funny)! I guess its too long for any normal being to read it:):P
Also the first draft had "what she lacks in head, she makes for in proportion":) I must add a disclaimer though:): All characters described here are fictitious and have no resemblance to people living or dead:)!!
chayalife comments:
on Apr 27 2005 7:13PM delete this comment block this user
ewww at the mess and stench!!
was there no park with a bench???
neat!! at the more obvious humour.
waiting for more, waiting for more...
Chay chaying ;-)))))
vi comments:
on Apr 27 2005 6:48PM delete this comment block this user
Maaaan! Vivek, here is hoping this is creative! (esp. the last few lines!)
Really enjoyed it!
vi
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